Closet: A place to keep clothes, coats, linens or other household items.
Example: I would like to hang my coat in the closet but it's allergic to hangers :(
Closet: The place we keep our skeletons (family secrets).
Example: We know Great Uncle Melvin wore sweet frilly dresses, but are there any other skeletons in the closet?
Closet: The only thing required in a room to make it qualify as a bedroom, in a real estate listing.
Example: You could get more money for your house if you listed it as a three bedroom. All you have to do is put a closet in your pantry.
Closet: The imaginary hiding place of homosexuals who think people don't already know, or possibly even suspect the truth, until they are ready to be open and confirm every one's suspicions after all.
Example: I'm afraid if I come out of the closet, my Dad will demand a paternity test.
I don't do closets is what I wish I'd said when I took the job I am currently doing. I was hired to paint the inside of 5 closets in a recently purchased home. The walls of the home are plaster, and are in pretty rough shape. The homeowner, my client, hired someone to drywall the closets prior to my painting them, all in preparation for a closet system company to come in and install closet systems in all 5. Seems simple enough. Except for one thing. The closet systems company came out and measured the closets based on the size of the floor, so the homeowner told the sheet rocker not to take off the baseboards, just drywall down to them. Then she proceeded to hire the worst drywall guy EVER! He left huge gaps between the drywall and the baseboards, in the corners, at the top. His joints bow way out giving the wall a pregnant quality. His tape was all bunched up, bubbled up, or not attached at all. Sandpaper never touched any of it. The mud was hanging on the walls like large gloppy clumps of schmutz he had applied with a horse hoof.
Have you ever stood inside a closet on a step stool sanding large amounts of joint compound and breathing in the dust for hours on end? When the dust gets into your nostrils, the moisture creates a wonderfully sticky joint compound in your nose. I imagine this is happening in my lungs as well, and can feel it in my throat. Yes, yes, I should wear a mask you say. I find when I wear one, I still breathe in tons of dust, but also sweat myself into dehydration. I tried sanding the closet while my head was on the outside, but that proved cumbersome, I couldn't see what I was doing, and my arms were about 5 feet too short. On the first day, I used 30 lbs of joint compound trying to fill the gaps and smooth out the mess. This all took a very long time and when I was finally leaving, my client's mother, who's been letting me into the house asked what time I'd be back for the next day of work. I answered, "9:00." "Can you be here at 8:00?" she asked. "Sure, if I spend the night here." I quipped. Not a morning person. "Yes, I can be here at 8:00, see you then."
Is this entertaining at all? I can continue, and tell you about today tomorrow, if you like.