Saturday, November 17, 2007

CCCC

I made some very nice friends this year from my golf league, among them two wonderful women, who have enjoyed spending close to 28 years together. They are clearly still in love and an inspiration. They offered up some relationship advice to me, and I gladly took it.

"When people ask us how we've stayed together so long we tell them it's because of the 4 C's." one of them said.

"Okay, I'll bite, what are they?" I asked.

They told me, and now I'm going to tell you, because after thinking it through, I am sure that they are the necessary ingredients for a successful relationship. I realized how many times I have failed when only three out of the four were strong.

1. Chemistry

2. Compatibility

3. Communication

4. Comedy

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Phew, Bearman and myself pass ... just hope number four doesn't fade when I start to forget more than I do already - it could become tiresome laughing about it! Hheheee.

Ces said...

First, that woman needs to get dressed when cooking? Doesn't she know that she could get grease burns on her abdomen when she cooks?

About staying together - where is "love"? It's not mentioned. I know that I always dismiss it but I think the reason my parents and my husbands' parents remained married until "death-do-as-part" was because I truly saw how much they loved each other. When you love each other, everything else falls into place. I mean real love, not the one that we outgrow later. I look at my husband sometimes when he is not looking and I am still struck with the same emotion I was struck when I was nineteen, the first time I met him.

RED MOJO said...

Anon, I'm glad too!

Ces, I don't believe you can love someone the first time you meet them, but you can feel a connection, attraction, aka chemistry. Love comes after you get to know each other. I think that these four things are all what contribute to being "in love" with someone. Loving someone is not enough. In other words, add up these four and "real love" is the sum.

kj said...

i believe in love at first sight.

i have fallen in love 3 times and each time it was obvious from the first moment.

i commit to loving, and unless i've misjudged totally (which i haven't), i then willingly sacrifice and make the effort needed.

RED MOJO said...

kj, I believe love at first sight is easy, being successful in a relationship is not. The foundation must be present. It takes two, no amount of love or effort, or sacrifice from one person can hold a relationship together. That's where I believe the 4 C's are relevant. In your experience have these been present in relationships you consider successful?

Ces said...

RM, heck yes! about the chemistry. Will you be happy if I told you that he looked so handsome and cute and had a very attractive smile and he had nice blonde hair and he was a little bit shy and looked kind and gentle and then the first sentence he said to me was "I like your shoes." Now what else could a woman possible want?

To KJ, so you still love these three people now?


I too have fallen in love fifteen times! Honest of course we are not talking about living together.

RED MOJO said...

Ces, Your husband does sound adorable. You had chemistry and compatibility right away! I think communication is the most difficult one, and comedy, well you just can't forget that one. Laughing together is so important.

Anonymous said...

Or laughing AT each other Hhehhehhee

david mcmahon said...

Came here quite by chance, and I'd add a fifth C to that list - Contact.

It's so vital to humankind, isn't it?

And with regard to your image of the non-moving circles, I recently posted a shot of an office building here in Melbourne that is designed as a black-and-white optical illusion!

Hope you can find it on my blog....

tsduff said...

Anonymous - you have a Bearman too? Hmmmm - a birdie lady and a bear... sounds so familiar. :D

Red Mojo - Lovelovelove your post today, picture and all. I agree with the 4 C's... and am so far, happy to see that they all are in good shape with my own Bear and I. What a great warm and fuzzy post.

RED MOJO said...

David, I find that when two people are in a relationship, and they have strong chemistry and compatibility, contact is a given. At least in my relationships it is.


tsduff, Thank you. Glad you liked it, and glad you've got them going on! :)

Rachel Schell said...

so true, so true!

many times I've tried to make it work when one or two of those things were present.

thanks for the reminder

www.racheschell.com
if i were allowed to speak

RED MOJO said...

rachel, Happy to give it! Thanks for the visit!

kj said...

i guess i'm a good judge of chemistry, compatibility, communication and comedy because i've been right all three times. i will stretch and try to be patient about compatibility and communication because i know another person won't and can't see things the way i do. people who love one another have to find their own way together.

two of my three relationships are still wonderful and deep. the third, my first heartbreak--ended long ago and not well. there were opposing factors, including and especially my discomfort with who i was then, but even now, my memories confirm all four c's.

RED MOJO said...

kj, I do believe you are one of the "luckiest in love" people I know. I'm glad you have been blessed with such wonderful experiences. It has always been very difficult for me. I usually make the mistake of being blinded by very strong chemistry, I want it to work, try to make it work, but that just doesn't work. :(

kj said...

oh rm, i am compelled to add/clarify that i have had a couple of very failed relationships also, where the absence of one or more of these 4 c's was the reason. i haven't gotten it right every time. but even now, when i love someone deeply, i'm going the mile. that's just who i am. and i've been blessed to be loved back. no doubt my "choices" and judgement have improved over the years! i could go on and on. i'll just say you are a good person and the universe will take care of things....

:)