Hello-Goodbye

I was going to do a post about 2007. I started to compose two lists, one of "Crap I hated" and the other of "magical moments" I wasn't far into this process when I recognized that this was far too depressing an undertaking, and quickly abandoned the idea.

Instead, I will simply share with you that I am writing this blog on a new laptop. My not very old one bit the dust two days before Christmas, and has to be sent somewhere far away, for a very long time, to be repaired. I am less than happy about spending the money. That said, I will need all of you to send back your virtual presents, I simply can't afford to be that generous anymore. I'm sorry, but they all must go back immediately! Noooo, you can keep them, I was just kidding. I can get a second job nights, pole dancing to raise the cash I need. My dogs have been practicing a "who's on first?" routine, they hope to do downtown on weekends, I got some crap for Christmas I can sell on ebay, and my dear old mom is scrubbing floors at night and on weekends.

2008 is going to be wonderful, I can feel it my bones. Something big is coming! I feel optimistic and I have made many of the resolutions on my resolution generator. I added: I will cut down on my use of the f-word in a non-romantic way before breakfast. So I think that's really going to help!

Happy New Year Everyone! I do hope it is the best so far, for everyone.

It's Virtually Christmas

On a recent visit to I am woman, see me blog I was delighted to see that Lizza had done some virtual shopping for some of her faithful readers. I decided it would be fun to do the same, and here are the results of my cyber shopping trip.

Anon: Since you are such a great fan of birds, as am I, I thought I'd find you a beautiful oil painting of an exotic bird. This is an African Congo Grey painted by Parrot painter Roy Astley Fryer.

Kj: I know that most of the writing you do is on your computer, but for those moments when you don't have your handy laptop with you, I picked you out a beautiful Visconti fountain,, and ball point pen set. I know you'll love it.

Ces: My gift to you is rather selfish. I would love to give you to a lifelong supply of Molskine notebooks so you never have to stop drawing, and writing, and sharing all the beauty that is in your head.

CS: I wanted to find you something that might help you relax and stay healthy. This is all I could come up with.

tsduff: You were easy because I already know exactly what you want.

Heartinsanfrancisco: I thought it would be fun to sneak something into your closet for you to find. Not the woman, just the jacket. It's faux fur of course!

craig d: I wanted to find you something to encourage the hobby you share with your daughter. Sketching cartoon characters.

charlotta-love: In light of your new boyfriend, I thought this splinter removal kit prudent!

dorky dad: To aid in your suffering over the next couple of weeks I found you some bromo-seltzer.

boo7: Since you probably love to spoil those dogs of yours, I thought they might love some sensible shoes. These are for hiking.

wieneke: I have never been to your blog, but I love that you visit mine, so I found you an international trip planner for when you come to visit.

debra kay, I don't know why, but I couldn't control the urge to get you a pony.

I hope everyone enjoys their virtual gifts. I'm exhausted from all this shopping, so I hope it's okay that I didn't wrap anything. Merry Christmas You Guys!

Devotion

There are lots of kinds of devotion. There's undying devotion, there's devotion to a cause, a devoted servant, friend or employee. There's even devotion to a blog. I have faltered recently in my bloggish devotion, due in large part to my unyielding devotion to not only the survival, but the strengthening of my small business, and the ability to pay my mortgage. I have missed my Monday Movies review this week, I have slacked off on reading and commenting everyone else's blogs, and I feel TERRIBLE about it.

My life has made a lot of demands on me this past week, and I have been home late, exhausted and completely empty in the creativity department. I hit the blog-wall. I did however answer my phone one morning before I left the house, and heard from the local florist, that they'd been trying to make a delivery for several days. I did notice some tire tracks belonging to some ill-prepared vehicle attempting the steep and snowy ascent that is my driveway. I stopped at the shop de flowers on my way through town, and they pulled a gorgeous bouquet out of the cooler and placed it before me.

I checked to make sure it was really for me. "Who loves me?" I wondered. I grabbed the flowers and took them to the privacy of my vehicle to read the card. Ah, my dear friends kj, and jb, a thank you for helping them out. Aren't friends the best?

Oh Holy Night for laundry

On my way to my job site this morning, I passed an apartment with wet laundry hanging out on a line on the back balcony. Boy was that Christmasy! I started belting out, "Oh holey socks, the thongs are intertwining, it is the line with clothes that won't dry. The shirts and pants and underwear so shiny, the bras and jeans all damp and badly worn. All of the tees, are iced and slowly melting, the line. the line, oh-oh the line, where clothes are hung."

I do hope you sung that! I'm just curious, do things actually dry in this winter weather?

Tis the Season...

My dear friend who wishes to remain anonymous, so we'll call her "Hennifer", photographed this sign on her way home from work last night.

Monday Movies

Time for my review the best and worst movie I watched this past week. I will be using a six star rating system:

1. Hated it (wasted 2 whole hours of my life)
2. Didn't like it
3. Not bad, but not recommendable
4. Liked it
5. Liked it a lot
6. Loved it (these are the ones I buy)

The best and the worst this week:

The best was Pirates of the Caribbean, At World's End

I gave this movie 6 stars, my highest rating. If you liked the first two, the third will not disappoint. I like a movie that doesn't insist I hold on to reality very tightly, and hate anything that couldn't really happen. If you are that kind of person, you probably don't care for any of these movies, but I watch movies to escape, not to increase my factual trivial knowledge hoping to win Jeopardy one day. It has action, betrayal, comedy, all the good stuff. Also, Kiera Knightley has a more prominent role, and does some impressive swashbuckling which I love to see.

The worst was The Last Mimzy. I gave this movie 3 stars. Maybe I expected too much. Its a kid's movie. Sometimes these movies have something for everyone, and sometimes they are strictly for kids. I was guessing from the trailer, that this would be entertaining for young and a little less young alike, but alas, it was weak. The plot was thin, the magical stuff was 'eh, the parents were idiots, you wondered how they got through the day. Maybe okay for kids, but not great for anyone.

Merry Christmas to Me!

I'm almost certain by now, that I've got you all convinced that I have a heart of gold, think only of others, and spend all my spare time doing anonymous good deeds. No? Good, because if there's one thing I am, it's honest. I can not resist buying myself something nice for Christmas every year. It does take the pressure off everyone else to get me something I'll really love, so I do it for them. Okay, I do it for me. Anyhoo...this year I gave myself a new camera, it's just like the one Anon uses to shoot all those pesky birds. Oh, I forgot to mention, I always give myself the gift early too, when I'm in the shopping, or parting with my loot mode. Plus this way, I can kind of surprise myself, and I DO LOVE surprises. Here are a few shots I took on the maiden voyage of my hot new technologically advanced, easy to use, incredibly self-indulgent camera.

If you saw my previous post, first snowthese were taken from the same spot, inside my kitchen door. These are some of the birds that come to my feeders that I did not catch the first time. Mr. Cardinal, the Ms. was here too, but they took off as soon as I started shooting.

A Blue Jay, who tries to get seed out of my little song bird feeder and a Red-bellied woodpecker.

2 Hot Girls in the Shower #10 - Holiday Episode

Top 10 Burning Christmas Questions

Having a little trouble with the Holiday Season? Is it all coming at you too fast, and you feel you have unanswered questions that are inhibiting your ability to fully enjoy this wondrous time of year? Well, fret no longer. I have conducted a clinical-scientific-double-blond-study, and come up with Not Only the top 10 burning questions, but; due to tireless research, I have unraveled the mysteries, uncovered the answers, and will now unveil them all, just for you.

1. Q. Can reindeer really fly?

A. I had help on this from "2 Hot Girls in the Shower", watch the video.

2. Q. When is the best time to start Christmas Shopping?

A. The best time is the day after Christmas when all the sales are going on, stock up for next year. This can be a drag though for several reasons:

a) The stores are choked with the throngs of people who just don't know how to appreciate toe socks and chia-pets, trying to return their thoughtful gifts for something they don't really need anyway.

b) You can't really be sure you'll still be on speaking terms with some people by Christmastime next year, you don't want to waste all that time and money shopping for them.

c) You've already maxed out all of your credit cards on this Christmas. You need to spend the time looking for a second job, not doing more shopping.

3. Q. Will Santa still come if I'm not sleeping?

A. Yes, as long as you pretend to be asleep. Practice deep regular breathing and REM eye movement for several weeks prior to Christmas to make sure you've got it down. Have someone watch you, or video tape yourself to make sure it's convincing, this is important!

4. Q. What gifts are offensive to people I know well?

A. Gifts that say, I didn't actually think of you specifically, such as:

a) Scented candles, or any candles really

b) Soaps and lotions

c) Tube socks

d) Calenders

e) Fruit cake, preserves, or any food, unless it is a personal favorite, or home made.

f) A Gevalia Coffee Maker

g) A football shaped phone, that they know came free when you got your subscription to Sports Illustrated.

h) Anything that person gave you last year.

5. Q. If I'm not seeing anyone at Christmastime, how can I avoid feeling desperately lonely and suicidal?

A. Keep a sprig of mistle-toe on you at all times. Pull it out and dangle it over your head with a smile, every time you see someone you might like to kiss. If you've just had a spinach salad, skip the smile. Use it in elevators, on the subway, in line at the bank, and in the waiting room at the OBGYN!

6. Q. Are all those new inflatable lawn decorations like snow globes, and Grinch's, and Santa riding a chopper a good idea?

A. No.

7. Q. I don't know what to get for (insert difficult to buy for person's name here).

A. Think of what annoys you most about that person, and you'll have it.

a) He's always smoking those stinky cigars. *Cigars

b) He's lazy. *a recliner (too much money?) a pair of pants with an elastic waist.

c) She's too controlling. *a universal remote

d) She drinks too much. *wine of the month club membership

e) He's unfaithful. *a one-way ticket to Bismarck

f) Picks his nose. *hankies

You get the idea. Remember it's not about making you happy, (except the Bismarck one) it's all about them.

8. Q. What should I wear on Christmas Day?

A. This one is tough for a lot of people. Try to avoid anything that has glitter or sequins applied, or bells sewn right on. Articles of clothing with red flashing LEDs, also a bad idea if you are over 6. I know it's tempting, but please, stop the insanity.

9. Q. What if I don't like a gift I get?

A. a) Pretend you do, in fact you can inform the person that you wanted one of those so much, you already bought one for yourself. Then hope aloud that they still have the receipt.

b) Pretend you do, take it home and stuff in the closet with all the other stinkers just waiting for a white elephant party. Attach a post-it to it, with the name of the person who gave it to you, to avoid number 4.

c) Pretend you do, and drop it in the first Goodwill drop box you see on your way home.

10. Q. Does Santa really know if I've been bad or good?<p> A. Yes, he does but he's very forgiving and generous, so chances are, you'll get what you deserve, especially if you wake up in Bismarck!

Monday Movies

Time for my review the best and worst movie I watched this past week. I will be using a six star rating system:

1. Hated it (wasted 2 whole hours of my life)
2. Didn't like it
3. Not bad, but not recommendable
4. Liked it
5. Liked it a lot
6. Loved it (these are the ones I buy)

Best and Worst:

The best film this week was "The Notebook" I rate it 5 stars. This is a touching look at what true love can overcome, given the chance. It's very well done, and although I don't generally like movies that make me cry, I did thoroughly enjoy this one.

The worst this week was "Noel" I rate it 3 stars. With a cast that includes Susan Sarandon, Penelope' Cruz, and Alan Arkin you'd think it has to be pretty darn good. Well, it felt sappy and saccharin, and used the kind of cheese-coated stuff that would never fly in any other kind of movie, but a Christmas movie.

Putting the Plow on My Truck

Okay, so tomorrow the forecast is snow, with more of the same on Monday, and it's definitely cold enough to stick, so today I went out into the bitter windy weather to hook up my plow. This is the first time I've done it alone, but how hard could it be? Armed with long underwear, boots, gloves, a cap, and boundless optimism I wandered outside to my already heated truck. (remote starter)

I jumped into it and pulled up pretty close to the plow, parked it, got out to look, realigned it, pulled forward, parked it, got out to look...if at this point you're sensing there's a pattern here, you'd be right! There was also lots of raising and lowering the plow by cranking the jack, there was also pushing, kicking, jumping on, a few love taps with a sledge hammer, and finally, one side was in place. To line up the other side there was more driving, raising and lowering the plow, kicking, and you guessed it swearing. I did get it on however and considered that a Win. Yes, it took about the same amount of time it takes some people to shovel their entire driveway, but victories, no matter how small are important to recognize, celebrate, and even blog about.