Monday, February 11, 2008

Happy V-Day Everyone!

What V-Day Means to Me
(the real story)
by Vlad the Visionary

Life-like scaled down model of Vlad the Visionary

Vlad was ahead of his time. Not many people know this, but I he invented velcro back in the middle ages. Convinced that this was the work of Satan, Vlad was exiled from the village of Vhathefuk by King Victor. Vlad, overcome by heavyheartedness, holed up in a violet vestibule abandoned by it's velveteen rabbit years before. His sadness was quickly replaced with hunger, and Vlad turned to violence to meet his needs. When villagers passed, traveling in or out of the village, Vlad would viciously attack them, and relieve them of whatever food or money they might have. Vlad validated the villager's fear of him by becoming the very villain they'd dreaded he might be when they evacuated him originally.

Vlad became vindictive and venomous, using various methods to violate his victims until his vault was filled with Vienna sausages, Velveeta, and vodka. The vodka was necessary to get those nasty little sausages down. Eventually, the people become too afraid to venture outside the walls of the village. Even Domino's would not venture past and risk Vlad's vehemmence.

The villagers, now trapped themselves, began to vie for survival. On the verge on starvation, they stole from one another, and violence filled the void that fear and hunger had created. The village reached extreme volatility at amazing velocity and the people went to their leader to vent.

When King Victor viewed his choices, make peace with Vlad, versus die a violent and untimely death, his verdict was clear. He then, of his own volition, ventured toward the vestibule, and in a voice like velvet, offered his sincere apology to Vlad. Vlad, vindicated, accepted the truce and vowed never to mention velcro again. The day this accord was struck, become known throughout the realm as V-Day.

The moral of the story is: What you resist will persist.. or Velcro might suck, but not as much as Valentine's Day... or Writing a story with a lot V's in it, is vexing.


Anonymous said...

Hhehehee Happy V-day Violent Voodoo!

Ces said...

Happy Valentines Day Red Mojo. Clever, clever, clever.

charlotta-love said...

very venturous of you to write a small volume on Vlad for Valentines. You should take a vacation!

Happy Valentines Day!

RED MOJO said...

anon, Ah, very tricky thing you did with my name there! Happy V-Day to you too!

ces, Happy V-Day to you!

charlotta-love, You're very vocal this V-day, a virtue I value!

kj said...

i won't tell you the "v-v" jokes that circulate in my household.

this was quite a compelling story. did you cheat to come up with all those 'v' words? or did everyone come out of your clever creative vivacious head?

happy vv day, rm! hahaha!

RED MOJO said...

kj, Happy V-Day to you too. I'll tell you my method, I wrote down all the v words I could think of, and constructed the story around them. I checked them off as I went, some came to me during the writing, and I had a couple left over. That's it!

tsduff said...

Your Voracious Vlad should have Vacationed in Venice... where he Very probably would have opened a Vapid Venue selling a Variety of Vegetables and Vermouth out of his Van. Happy Valentine's Day Red Mojo.

Debra Kay said...

Vagina. You didn't use the V-word for Vah Jay Jay....Someone has got to stand up for vaginas, and I guess it will be me. But I have the flu, so don't really ask me to stand please.

RED MOJO said...

tsduff, voluptuous! I'm vacant!

debra kay, I won't ask you or your vagina to stand, Happy V-Day!

Debra Kay said...

Thank you!

VE said...

Very verbose!

RED MOJO said...

debra kay, anytime!

ve, Happy belated V-Day, thanks for the validation.