Thursday, February 7, 2008

Thursday 13: Random Thoughts

I thought I'd put up a few things I think about when I can't sleep at night, or while I'm stuck driving behind an old man in a hat, with his hands at 10 and 2 o'clock, and no particular place to go.

1. I would rather run across a floor full of thumbtacks barefoot, to get to the mute button, than listen to that guy that screams at me about Oxi Clean and Orange Glo for 2 seconds.

2. I often wonder what life would be like if I wasn't so curious.

3. When someone tells me to calm down, I have the overwhelming desire to stab them in the neck.

4. If I listed this on Craig's list, as a riding lawn mower, would that be wrong?

5. Do people think that pushing the elevator call button a crap-load of times will scare the elevator into thinking there's an angry mob waiting, so it'll work faster?

6. With ALL that money, can't Donald Trump do something better with his hair?

7. When I go up or down a flight of stairs, I can't remember why I did it, and have to return to the floor I came from to figure it out, then start again. If I lived in a ranch, would my memory improve, and my pants size go up?

8. Is it considered a plus or a minus to have a cup-holder as standard equipment?

9. If men were the ones who got pregnant, RU486 (the morning after pill) would be at the register right next to the tic-tacs.

10. When a complete stranger tells me to "smile" It makes me want to sink a crowbar into his skull, set him fire and push him off a bridge into a wood-chipper.

11. What if the dog that I rescued from an abusive pet-owner, was an abusive pet-owner himself in his last life, and was reincarnated as an abused dog to pay his penance, which I interrupted, so now he'll have to come back and do the whole abused dog thing all over again in his next life?

12. Toilets that flush automatically, sometimes while you're still on them, should all be torn out and shipped to a country where they currently just have a hole in the ground to squat over, because they are moderately better than that!

13. If blogging is wrong, I don't wanna be right!

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

You have a verrrrry interrrrresting mind Red Mojo ... calm down and smile! HAHHAHHAAAA

Anonymous said...

I love that riding mower, it would be just right for me :) Consider cup-holders as standard equipment as a minus! That's horrible what you did to that dog!!! The other questions can be answered by Donald Trump, elevators and things ... ;)

RED MOJO said...

Anon, I know...the poor doggie! I'm afraid I may have doomed him with his cushy new life!

Ces said...

Ha! I tried setting the cup on my abdomen once when I was pregnant. It was a nice arm rest. Who would tell you to calm down? I have never seen you otherwise. You always smiled and was very calm. Sometimes we think alike especially about things like the dog.

Anonymous said...

What if the dog that you rescued from an abusive pet-owner, was a cushy pet-owner himself in his last life, and was reincarnated as an abused dog to understand there are others who don't live in full cushiness which you interrupted, so now he'll have to come back and do the whole cushy pet-owner thing all over again in his next life to you the abused dog?

Wieneke said...

Stabbing, scrowbarsinking, setting fire, pushing off bridges...
What a violent woman you are! Only at night safely in your bed, I hope. That old man in a hat with his hands at tentwo ánd a cigar in his mouth, eh? His brother is living here. Donald Trump loooooves his hairdo this way. :-)

RED MOJO said...

Ces, If you really want the cup holder, I think she got hers at Burger King! Do you really think like me about the dog?

Anon, Haaaahaaa...Now you're just being silly!

wieneke, Yes, I am like Steven Segal when I'm just lying there thinking, it's terrible! So, you've been stuck behind Walter's brother huh?

Debra Kay said...

I really think that rescue dogs come to us to teach us what we need to learn. It's a good thing I don't have land, or I'd probably have dozens of teachers!

I know the road to hell is paved with good intentions (well, some people's road) but I think there has to be cosmic insurance if you truly mean well.

We may both go to hell, but it won't be for saving dogs.

Craig D said...

Quote: When a complete stranger tells me to "smile" It makes me want to sink a crowbar into his skull, set him fire and push him off a bridge into a wood-chipper.

But then you'd smile, right?

Anonymous said...

No, I was being serious. Just like Craig D! HAHA

Ces said...

No, I think any form of cruelty is immoral. Besides, I believe in carnations not reincarnation. I was referring to my tendency to think about strange things...

RED MOJO said...

debra kay, I don't really question whether rescuing was the right thing to do. I know it was, and I love him so much, but that thought did go through, so I was just acknowledging it. I too could devote my life to rescuing animals!

craig d, Yes! Then I'd smile :)

Anon, why always so serious? :|

Ces, Oh strange thoughts! Got it!!!

Anonymous said...

Calm down and SMILE Red Mojo *giggle*

kj said...

are we all sitting in red mojo's living room laughing away?!

i read these comments and the community of it all makes me smile...

:)

RED MOJO said...

Anon, OKAY!!!! I'M CALM!!!! STOP SAYING THAAAAT!!!!

kj, glad you could join us! :)

Ces said...

Calm down Red Mojo. Although your red face is kinda cute.

Ces said...

Oh I am thinking of getting a dog for my birthday, as if raising two teen-agers is not enough.

RED MOJO said...

Ces, Ooooh, when's your birthday? You should do it. Everyone needs a dog!

charlotta-love said...

For the record, self flushing toilets bother me. I am not that lazy that it needs to be done for me. And no toilet should be smart enough to know when I'm done...or try to hint that I SHOULD be done. Ulg...

kj said...

charlotta-love is a wise woman....

citizen of the world said...

#3 and #10 are kin, and both make me livid. #3 often causes me to scream "I am fucking calm, you fucking moron!"

Ahem.

I'm going to have to say it's a minus on the cup-holder. And oh my God, AMEN to #9.

RED MOJO said...

charlotta-love, thank you for that! Man, I hate those things!

kj, yes, she is.

citizen, Somehow I knew you'd be with me on numbers 9 & 10, but I love your reaction to #3! My brother told me to calm down the night I wrote this, and then minutes later, asked me if I'd figured out how much it would cost him for me to put crown molding up in his house. I said, "The price just went up buddy." My dad added, "I think it's about 8% for every calm down right?"

Anonymous said...

Tsk .... "hate" is such a STRONG word Red Mojo! I've never met a self flushing toilet ...

RED MOJO said...

anon, when you do, you'll hate it.

Anonymous said...

I thought you'd say THAT! HAHAHHAHHAAA. How does one know (apart from when it doesn't) that you might be finished? I think it would be a great idea to stop the boys at my house from reading a rack of magazines during each session ...

RED MOJO said...

anon, there's a motion detector on it, that is supposed to make it flush when you get up, but it might flush when you reach for toilet paper, or try to pull something up, or down, or swat a misquito, or yawn...

Dorky Dad said...

Hey, calm down. CALM DOWN!

And I don't think that would be a bad thing to list that as a riding lawn mower on Craigslist. But you might want to include a photo.

tsduff said...

3. When someone tells me to calm down, I have the overwhelming desire to stab them in the neck.

I have an urge to do this on a regular basis. Do you think I need to calm down?

Also, you are completely right on about those horrible self flushing toilets. They scare me.

RED MOJO said...

Dorky, I AM CALM!!!!!

tsduff, no...not at all. You seem perfectly reasonable to me.

Tinder said...

I can't even look at Donald Trump. Gads