Thursday, March 13, 2008

Meme Challenge Issued & Answered

"I dare you to be as ridiculous" from VE.


This meme is answered in a completely fictional manner in order to meet the challenge issued forth by VE. Please do not write angry letters or comments about how mean it is to sabotage a diet, or cruelty to hunters etc.

Warning: Reading the following post may lower your opinion of me if there is any room for movement in that direction.

All Fours

Four Guilty Pleasures-

I like to catch mice in those glue traps, then use solvent to free three of their feet, and tickle them until they promise to stay outside.

I like to hide in the bushes with a semi-automatic rifle during deer season and when they shoot at a deer, I return fire. It makes it more like a sport.

I like to stop at toll booths and pay by check, which takes a couple hours, just to see how big a back-up I can cause, leaving my left turn signal on the entire time of course.

When someone at work says they're on a diet, I like to show up with a couple dozen warm Krispy Kreme Doughnuts the next day.

Four Favorite Foods

Tofurky Jerky,

Brussel sprout cheesecake,

Pickled banana chips,

Jalapeno mint jelly and goat cheese pizza.

Four things that make me smile

When I try to make my ears move,

when I'm brushing my top teeth,

When I practice my reaction to winning the lottery

When I can successfully string together the nine-word-sequence for my favorite coffee drink at Starbucks without taking a breath in the middle.

Four Artists I’m listening to Right Now-

Anytime I try to listen to four different things at the same time, it always turns out the same way; with me trying to figure out the child safety cap on my Advil bottle.


Random Questions:

How would you describe yourself?

Honestly deceptive, forward thinking historian, with a stand-offish approachability. Attractively plain, passionately even tempered, skeptically optimistic, interesting, vanilla, woman who's energetic about taking naps. My stubborn flexibility, and logically emotional reasoning powers make me singularly popular.

What is your life’s purpose?

To completely eliminate and get rid of redundancy. I will establish the Department of Redundancy Department, and begin to issue fines, give tickets, charge people money for, saying or doing, any action or words that would be considered redundant, and if they do it again, that's twice the fine, doubling the amount.

What do your friends think of you?

What are these...friends, you speak of?

What do you think about very often?

Why I keep forgetting to take the pill that's supposed to improve my memory.

What is your wedding day going to be like?

Lots of shocked people wandering around, most of all, me!

What is your life story?

My life story is "I'm Okay, You're Okay" It's a self-help book. My motto is if you need help, help yourself!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Kept. I would like to fritter away my time on the computer...while someone else worries about responsibilities, and obligations. I guess what I'm really trying to say is, I don't wish to grow up.

What will they play at your funeral?

"My Way" by Sinatra

And now, the end is near, And so I face the final curtain. My friends, I'll say it clear; I'll state my case of which I'm certain. I've lived a life that's full - I've travelled each and every highway. And more, much more than this, I did it my way. Regrets? I've had a few, But then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do And saw it through without exemption. I planned each charted course - Each careful step along the byway, And more, much more than this, I did it my way. Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew, When I bit off more than I could chew, But through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out. I faced it all and I stood tall And did it my way. I've loved, I've laughed and cried, I've had my fill - my share of losing. But now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing. To think I did all that, And may I say, not in a shy way - Oh no. Oh no, not me. I did it my way. For what is a man? What has he got? If not himself - Then he has naught. To say the things he truly feels And not the words of one who kneels. The record shows I took the blows And did it my way. Yes, it was my way.

What is your hobby/interest?

Mostly, I enjoy letting my dogs in and out of the house. They have worked out a system that insures them the highest allotment of cookies possible. It goes something like this. One dog asks to go outside, the other insists he does not need to go out right now, and he'd better stay in the house with me, it's for my own safety of course. I let the dog in, give them both cookies, and about 5-10 minutes later, the second dog, now has to go outside. You see how they have outsmarted me? I spend more time enjoying this activity then anything else really.

I also love shopping for brightly colored pot-holders on EBay, and plan to make a cozy for my house out of them, once I have enough.

Thank you for tolerating my meme. If you should choose to tag yourself with either of these, please let me know. I apologize for any permanent damage caused here today.


citizen of the world said...

Okay, you hurt my head a bit.

An alternative is figuring out a way to arm the deer. If we could teach them to use rifles, might make hunting a great televisd sport.

Your dogs sound very like my kids.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHHAHHAHAAAA! I almost died choking on my coffee!!! Can just see you now practising your "I won the lottery smile"! Hhehhehee There is so much here to laugh at, I'm going to have to choke on a few cuppas!

VE said...

Hah! Now this is what I'm talking about! I loved it. My favorites: The getting the starbucks order right and the Department of Redundency Department. Awesome. Thanks for stepping up to the challenge!!

Benjamin Boudreau said...

"Returning fire" - way to fight the power! You rock!

RED MOJO said...

cit, well, I believe your head was already tender. My dogs are my kids. My tricky furry kids.

anon, please live to choke again.

ve, Thanks for the dare, I can't resist!

benjamin, Thanks, it was fun, and I like rocking! :)

charlotta-love said...

the one I liked the best and consider my favorite is the toll booth, or vertical coffin as I like to personally think of them, where you would write a check instead of paying cash for the toll charge being asked. Oh my...that, and that alone, would drive me crazy or insane.

Slip said...

Get out of the house! you are suffering from "Cabin Fever", maybe one of the worst cases I have seen this year.

RED MOJO said...

charlotta-love, yes, I could see that, you'd be behind me honking and hand signaling that I'm number 1...

slip, thank you for your diagnosis. I'm assuming you'd prescribe wild and crazy fun and carrying on, so I'll get started on that right away.

kj said...

i like slip.

is anon really choking?

and you are in non-so-rare form with this post, rm. i'm breathless reading of your adventures, and i had no idea my dog had an obvious plan for cookie counts. i'll be damned...


heartinsanfrancisco said...

You are too funny!

I especially like your plan to make hunting season more sporting.

But if word of your Krispy Kreme shopping spree gets around, you may have an entire office declaring that they're dieting, kind of like the dogs with their cookies.

Anonymous said...

*Sigh* now KJ is breathless!
*choking again*

Debra Kay said...

I probably spend more on dog cookies than I do on my own food.

kj said...

breathless in the hot tub, that's me....


RED MOJO said...

kj, I do too.
I think so.
I'm speechless!

heartinsanfrancisco, Thank you, bless you. I never thought that doughnut thing through did I?

anon, both you and kj seem to have trouble breathing lately!

kj, o i n v u!

Claudia said...

The dogs. Hah. Yes. I know that ploy only too well. Hope you're feeling better!!