Monday, March 24, 2008

Being Grateful


One of my closest friends lost her father on the day before Easter. This seems to be happening more and more around me. I am at the age where time with my parents has become something I am grateful for. I still have mine, this set at least. My father died when I was thirteen, but the new one mom picked out has weathered the storms of our adolescence, getting licenses, borrowing the car, going away to college, bringing home women...well, I did, my brother...not so much, and then some.

My mom still won't tell me who my mother was before her. She insists she's the only mother I've ever had, but I'm not completely convinced yet.

I was away from my family for twenty five years. I visited of course, but didn't live nearby. Seeing them only a few times a year was good in ways, and probably best at times, but now I'm here, and I see them several times a week. At the moment I'm remodeling (building a kitchen in a room that was the sun porch a few months ago) her kitchen, so I see her almost everyday. I love my mom, but there is a limit to how many heaping helpings of mom I can take in given time period. We are exceeding that currently.

The news of this recent death, brings into sharp focus the fact that I should be enjoying this time with my mother, and this project we are doing together. We are making the memories I will be keeping with me when she has gone. Sometimes we need to get a dose of the bad, to realize we are actually in the good part.


Dorky Dad said...

Did my mom tell you to write this as a way to guilt me into calling her more often? Because it worked.

Wieneke said...

It is always good to help yourself remind that people like moms and dads are not living forever. Enjoy the time you have with each other and don't ruin it with trying to alter other people. Btw: I think your mom looks very good and also a bit like KJ? Love the little doggie.

RED MOJO said...

dorky, yes. You saw right through me. Your mother called, and I just couldn't turn her away. She seemed so sweet and lonely.

weineke, mom does look good, although this picture is about 5 years old. In real life, she bares no resemblance to kj, who also looks good. The little dog is "the bug" when he was a puppy.

Ces said...

RM, what a sweet post about the special person that your mother certainly is, as I had the honor of meeting her!

Greg said...

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Gregory E. Lang
Author of “Daddy’s Little Girl,” “Why a Daughter Needs a Dad,” “Why a Daughter Needs a Mom” and more.

charlotta-love said...

Aww...what a sweet post. Life is interesting. Death (for your friend) brought life to you. Enjoy the kitchen project. :o)

charlotta-love said...

one more thing, it took me leaving for college before I realized how cool my mom actually was. Funny how she became cool overnight.

VE said...

Hey, maybe we had the same secret first mom, because I keep thinking there is no way I'm related to my mom. But I do visit both my mom and my dad on terms I can deal with them best. It helps that they both live in town and aren't the type to just move right into my life.

TheWeyrd1 said...

My dad passed away about 11 months ago. I still dream about him. I call my mom more often than she likes now. But I figure, I only have so much time to make up for the years when I was more mad at her than maybe I should have been. I also worry that she might be more lonely than she lets on, even though I know she has her friends and regular activities. Enjoy your time with your mom.

whirls said...

i live on the other side of the world from my parents. it is a major bummer when i see them because i can see how they have aged. not a fun thing. thankfully they are healthy so a few new wrinkles here and there isn't too bad...but still i wish they would stop!

citizen of the world said...

That's a lovely post. Please remind me of that in a month when I am committed to a 2-week trip with my mother.

RED MOJO said...

Ces, Thank you, she enjoyed meeting you as well. She gave one of your calenders to my sister for Christmas, and kept the other for herself.

greg, I'll pop over and check you out. Thanks for your visit.

Charlotta-love, Life is funny like that! Mom's are funny like that too.

ve, That would explain A LOT!!!

theweyrd1, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure your mom doesn't think you call her too much!

whirls, I know exactly what you mean.

cit, Thanks, I'll remind you!

kj said...

rm, what a great picture of your Mom. her smile is a mile-wide genuine. i think you've highlighted two important things here: first, don't take your parents for granted, and two, absence makes the heart grow fonder!

aw,and thank you for telling wieneke i look good. your mother surely does!


Debra Kay said...

Red, we are more alike than I first thought-I returned to my hometown after 20 years on the rowdy road as well. Is this what we DO when we hit midlife? Our generation left for adventure and yet, we return when it's time Our addition to the mix hasn't detracted from it at all, and that gives me a little comfort for the future.

Anonymous said...

I remind myself the same all the time but it still doesn't help to the degree I would prefer ... Blah.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Your mother is lovely. Do you really think that she wasn't the original one? And also, would it really matter at this point other than curiosity?

I appreciate mine more perhaps than I did when she was alive, so you're way ahead of the game.

Will you post pics of the kitchen when it's done?

RED MOJO said...

kj, Thank you, you're sweet.

debra kay, Really? Wow, we could be sistas!

anon, I read you loud and clear.

heartinsanfrancisco, She is my real mother, I kid about it, because when I was very young, around 4, I asked her, "Who was my mother before you?"
I was probably referring to a past life at the time, who knows.
Of course, I'll post the before and afters of the kitchen. It's consumed my life for two months.

Debra Kay said...

I remember askig my mother how old she was when she was born. Maybe we ARE sistas.

RED MOJO said...

debra, lol, how old she was...that's funny.

tsduff said...

I rheumanated for so long before writing about your picture that I never ended up commenting at all! I'm sorry - I've been back several times but just haven't been able to work up what to say.

I loved my Mom more than anyone on earth, and she was my hero. When she did suddenly and unexpectedly in 2003, it was unbearable. I still miss her in so many ways - and at times even envy people who still have their Moms around. Your Mom looks wonderful - thank you for sharing her with us.