Saturday, January 5, 2008

Now for something completely different...

I've got nothing. How is it that when I'm telling a story, I can't help but be funny, but when I put my fingers on these keys, they suck all the wit right out of me, like small square humor-lypo-suction thingys with letters on them??? I blog, and all you hear is, blog-blog-blog... I need to score some of that super-secret-silly-blog-writing-dust (sssbwd), and I don't care how many lives I have to take to get it. That's right! That's how I roll, so watch your backs Diesel and Dorky Dad, I know you guys have the dust, and that you coat your bodies with Pam, and roll around naked in it before attempting a new post. It seems my desire to write a funny post, is matched only by my complete inability to do so.

I was mulling over the idea of a laugh-track. When you get to the end of an incredibly funny line, just in case you don't realize just exactly how outrageously funny it is, the laugh-track is queued, and you can join in mindlessly, Ohhhh, that red mojo, how does she come up with this stuff?

Earlier today, when I began blathering on about my humor-challenged writing style, I was eating some tuna salad. Not a sandwich, or a melt, just tuna salad in a bowl with a fork. I was chewing a mouthful, when I suddenly sneezed. Bits of tuna salad shrapnel sprayed in a wide pattern all over the entire area directly in front of me. It did not come out my ears, so none went to the sides. This included my laptop, it was pretty disgusting. On a scale from 1 to 10 of disgustingness, 1 being: a booger is hanging out of your nose, and 10 being: a long slow french kiss with Jaba the Hut, it was about a 5! I find as I age, more and more disgusting things seem to be included in my daily life, so I try not to be alarmed unless they are catastrophic, psychologically damaging, or require immediate medical attention. It's funny because it's true.

If you found this story psychologically damaging, you were probably pretty close to the edge already. The opinions given in this blog are not necessarily the opinions of the owner of the computer on which they are written.


Debra Kay said...

Funny is kind of like an orgasm-sometimes, no matter how hard you try-nada, nilch nothing...other times WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM.

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't....hmmm now I feel like having some chocolate.

Anonymous said...

I think your including a laughing track after what's meant to be funny bits is a REALLY FUNNY idea! Or was that funny in the head idea ... ?

Ces said...

Oooh, you sound like my son - lots of body processes and things coming out of orifices, the booger part really hit the mark. KJ is bound to smirk and twist her nose and I like it when that happens. Hahahaha!

CS said...

Yeah, that was psychologically damaging - maybe since I just woke up and haven't even had my coffee yet. SInce I haven't found out where to score the sssbwd either, I think I may steal your laugh-track idea. But I want to add in one that says "Awwwww" for the touching parts. Don't want to leave anythign to chance.

RED MOJO said...

debra kay, If being funny was as easy as having an orgasm, I'd have Ellen Degeneres's job.

Anon, You do??? Thank you again!

Ces, I know the face you mean. :)

CS, I appreciate your enthusiasm for the blog world, but please, have your coffee first! The "Awwwwww" thing is good, maybe we should include a collective "*gasp" as well.

david mcmahon said...

Does it only happen when you put your fingers on the keys? If so, try reversing your hands - works every time!!!!